Kids change everything. Not only the dynamic between husband and wife but your relationships with your friends as well. This question comes from a reader whose friends won’t get a babysitter.
Dear Annabelle,
My husband and I have a set of close friends who had their first child a year ago. The problem is that since they had their son, they don’t go out without him. They bring him to bars and restaurants instead of getting a sitter. Of course when he comes that means they spend the entire time fussing with him because he demands attention (he’s a kid after all)! At first I thought it was because he was a baby and they were afraid but now he’s much older. I don’t understand why they don’t get a sitter and have some adult time. The rest of us leave our kids with the sitter. Any ideas on what to do?
There could be a million reasons they don’t get a sitter:
- It’s their first child and they’re paranoid
- Finances are tight and they can’t afford one
- They don’t want “adult time” and don’t realize it’s an inconvenience
You have two options here:
- Tell them they are invited without their son
- Don’t invite them.
I would try option 1 first if you want to remain friends because if you suddenly stop inviting them to things, it’s inevitably going to end your friendship. Explain that you want to have “adult time” and get a break from your kids. Make sure you are clear that certain events are for kids and others are not. Backyard BBQ – kid friendly. Nice restaurant meeting up at 8pm – babysitter needed. They’re adjusting to being new parents and probably have no idea that it’s bothering your group.
Next time you want them to leave their son at home invite them by saying, “We’re all going out to eat and leaving the kids at home.” This way, they are still invited and it’s up to them if they want to join the group or not. With kids come growing pains not just within your family but your extended family and friends as well.
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