A reader wrote about her concerns over her Friends with Benefits and I feel that more attention is due on this subject. I know a lot of women in this situation so today I’m focusing on the dynamics of Friends with Benefits.
There have been a lot of movies recently about Friends with Benefits and they always end with the two people realizing they’re actually in love and living happily ever after. This is a load of crap. Don’t delude yourself into thinking that he’s going to fall in love with you because he won’t.
Women as Friends with Benefits:
Samantha from Sex and the City is freaking awesome but lets face it… Have you ever met a girl who has sex just for sex? Probably not. Generally women who have gobs of unattached sex are doing so for the wrong reasons. The main one being that they are looking for love, validation and affection and when they are having sex with someone they feel all of those things. Unfortunately it’s a false connection and ultimately she ends up feeling worse than before she had the sex because the feelings don’t last.
Women Are Looking For Love
Women are looking for love. We want to settle down, get married, have babies and raise our family in happily ever after land. Most friends with benefits begin with someone you are dating or have known for a while. You start having sex and think the relationship is going to move to the next level. Or maybe you’re deluding yourself into thinking it is at the next level. Who needs to talk about things like titles and relationships? If we’re having sex we are clearly monogamous and going down the path of love. Wrong. Until he utters the words girlfriend, don’t assume you are.
Your His “Friends With Benefits”
So now you’re friends with benefits and are torturing yourself because you guys have so much fun together and are so compatible. The sex is great and all we do is laugh and have a good time. You’re just biding your time until he realizes he loves you and you’ll live happily ever after. Wrong. The reason you’re having so much fun is because there is no pressure on him what-so-ever because he’s not interested in you. He’s not worried about anything because he’s not emotionally invested.
You Become A Hot Mess
Now you start doing things to win his affections like make him cookies or clean his apartment. Perhaps if he starts to see you as a girlfriend, it will change his feelings? It won’t.
When that’s not working, you start over-analyzing everything he says and does trying to figure out if it means something more. He held my hand during sex. He confided in me about his ex girlfriend. Stop analyzing! Start listening. Men will tell you what they want. He’s not going to dance around it because he’s not sure if you like him. He knows you like him. Trust me. If he likes you, he will tell you.
Bottom Line:
He’s never going to be your boyfriend. He is using you for your vagina. No matter what you do, he isn’t going to suddenly wake up and realize he loves you. It doesn’t work that way. Women form a bond with someone when we have sex. Men don’t. They can dip their stick in lots of woman and not even think twice about it. As much as it hurts, you’re the place he dips his stick. Walk away. Find someone who respects you enough to be your boyfriend. Not your fuck friend.
Need Further Proof?:
Read Watson’s take on Friends with Benefits. He gives you the inside scoop on how men feel about their FwB.
