Annabelle recently posted an article about Friends with Benefits prompted from a reader’s question about the dude she’s been hooking up with. She asked me to write an article for the ladies with the male perspective on Friends with Benefits. I think the arrangement is pretty straight forward but she insists it’s not that easy, so here we go. –> Watson
Friends with Benefits | The Male Perspective:
FwB’s are a thing of beauty. It’s all fun and no work. I get to have sex with a chick who I have a decent time with (she is a friend after all) and I don’t have to worry about all the relationship bs. They’re also good because they can be a girlfriend stand in for weddings and family obligations like reunions and what not.
Am I Monogamous with my Friends with Benefits?:
Maybe. It depends if there’s someone else I’m interested in. I might tell my FwB that I want to be monogamous so we can get tested, get the pill and go bareback but that’s a lot of work. It would have to be a long term friends with benefits to do that. It also gets messy cause she might start to think she’s my girlfriend cause we’re being monogamous.
Am I Emotionally Attached to My Friends with Benefits?:
A friends with benefits is like a dog. Before you freak out at the dog comment, let me finish. I love my dog. I take her to the park, scratch her belly, feed her and she’s loyal to me no matter what. Do I want to marry my dog? No. She’s someone I know will always be there without any of the pressure. Am I going to suddenly wake up one morning and realize I want to marry my dog. No. If I wanted to marry my dog I would have done it already.
What Happens If I Want to Date Someone?:
I end it with my FwB once it becomes serious with the new girl. We’ll stay friends cause it might not work out with this new girl and I’d like to get my FwB back…
Why Don’t I Want to Get Serious with my FwB?:
Don’t kid yourself into thinking your friend with benefits is going to fall in love with you. He likes you but not enough to make you his girlfriend. He would have done it by now. No matter how awesome or hot or emotionally giving or wonderful you are; he’s not going to wake up and realize the error of his ways.
I can’t explain why I want one girl to be my FwB and another to be my girlfriend. I just know. I had an on and off FwB for 5 years (she was the interim between girlfriends) and I thought to myself… I can’t imagine eating dinner with this person every night. It’s a simple as that.
How Can A Girl Tell if She’s a Friends with Benefits?:
If you’re not sure if you’re a FwB or a girlfriend; you’re probably a friends with benefits. Here are some signs:
- I rarely go out to eat with my FwB, we normally meet at the bar and go home together.
- I don’t call her to chat and check up on her. I text her to make plans to get together and screw.
- If I have plans on a weekend, I’ll text her late at night to come over.
- I don’t hold her hand in public.
- I don’t let her drive my car.
- I don’t buy her presents or flowers or anything really. I might pick up the bar tab but that’s about it.
- I never call her my girlfriend and if she brings it up I usually say something like “I don’t want a girlfriend right now” or “I”m not ready for a long term commitment.”
The most important thing to remember is that a guy wants you to be their girlfriend, they’ll ask you. All the other bs means nothing. Even monogamy doesn’t mean you’re his girlfriend. It just means he’s not trying to get an STD.
Does all this mean you should end your arrangement? I’m sure you’re getting something out of it too, right? Just be aware of what’s really going on. You are participating in a mutually beneficial, no strings attached relationship. Nothing wrong with that.
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