We’ve all had one. A Cheap Mooch of a Friend who’s really nice and fun but never pays their share of the check and always forgets to bring a present to your birthday party. Usually I’d tell you to ditch the mooch and find a more considerate friend, but life isn’t always that simple. This question comes from a reader who doesn’t have the power to Ditch the Mooch
Dear Annabelle,
Every time my husband and I go out to dinner with a certain friend of his, he never pays… For himself. I could understand if he was in financial trouble or if we asked him to dinner but he’s single, makes a decent living and he’s the one making the plans. I’ve discussed this with my husband and he makes some excuse about them being friends since they were kids and always being there for one another. I’ve tried to hold my tongue but I’m ready to burst! Clearly my husband isn’t going to talk to him about it. May I?
What you’re asking doesn’t mean you’re being frugal with your money. What you’re asking is Reasonable! Your husband’s friend is clearly taking advantage of the circumstances. That being said, do I think you should talk to him about it?
Not really.
Here’s the problem. He’s your husband’s friend, not yours and calling him cheap is going to piss him off. And trust me, no matter how eloquently you phrase it, the only thing he’s going to hear is cheap. No one likes to be called a mooch. After that happens, your husband is going to be in the position of choosing between the woman he loves and his long time buddy. I doubt you want that to happen or you would have made him choose already.
Here’s what I think you should do.
Tell your husband that you are tired of picking up Mr. Cheap’s check but you respect that they are lifelong friends and don’t want to come between them. Then tell him that you’re no longer going to go to dinner with them. Period. Go out with your girlfriends or stay home and watch Lifetime Movies. Just don’t go to dinner. Once you’ve removed yourself from the situation, you’ll no longer be angry about it because you’re not participating in it and their dinner dates are going to become few and far between. Your husband likes taking you to dinner with them. If he wanted to hang out with his buddy alone, he wouldn’t have invited you in the first place. With you no longer going to dinner, I suspect the situation will resolve itself all on it’s own.
